08/10/26
more answers = more questions
less questions = less answers
more questions = more answers
less answers = more questions
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07/10/26
Its been raining leaves for the past few weeks. Once they are all gone, the real rain will set in. I should get an umbrella - one of those transparent ones. How come its a leaF and then leaVes??
Sew onto yourself everything that's worth living for
chasing ////// finding
My grandma, who has never touched a pc in her life, is scared of ai. Make of this what you want.
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08/09/26
I'm on a train somewhere close to Wittingen. After this, I still have two bus rides ahead of me. I wonder where I will end up being. I wonder how he's doing. I got him a Franzbroetchen when I left home this morning. Is he going to eat it? What kind of food do they give him there? I wonder.
The grey sky + middle of nowhere combo is really hitting. I am feeling different here, not like I dont belong but like I'm standing out. Might just be the fact that I am the only adult on this inofficial schoolbus though. Wondering what life is like around here. I'm hungry but all I have is the aforementioned Franzbroetchen. The next station is mine.
The visit was genuinely nice, he seems to be in a good place. Diagnosis is no surprise to anyone but could be a lot worse. Could do this more often
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05/09/26
When I looked through my old journals and sketchbooks, I felt like I could sense the phases shift and the themes come and go. It all seemed a bit like a self fulfilling prophecy somehow. I guess in retrospect everything makes sense..
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27/08/26
mr robot is the best tv show ever created
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20/08/26
Das Geheimnis ist was Traum und höchste Kunst gemeinsam haben
.. which is a reality i refuse to accept for myself
chances are slim I fear
ah right there was this old marmalade saying about spreading yourself too thin but i forgot how it goes
evening the score of questions unanswered
man is woven together by the threads of memories and dreams
it's a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found
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05/07/26
Liebe Grüße aus der Untermiete
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16/06/26
The soul is made in the lowering, not in the climb
daisies, a light breeze, no relatives writing poems
spring river and the flower moon night
.. fully enjoying themselves, evidently, their aim is not to please the viewer: instead they seek to uninhibitedly immerse themselves in their own sensations and states of being
when clouds are floating white as swans
the chinese grandpa next to me on a flight helped me open a hot sauce package. the hotel staff told me that i look tired twice, greeted me with "good uhhh.. morning haha" at 2pm today. It's time I get home
one day ill choke on a enoki mushroom
Cultural confidence. A human being motivated by ethics, not money. Work being done for satisfaction rather than personal rewards. Sacrifice comfort for integrity.
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08/06/26
Greetings from behind the great firewall of china
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01/06/26
I feel like I forgot how to talk
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30/05/26
Ich weiß das. Auch, wenn ich bisher noch nicht daran gedacht habe
rest paves the long road ahead
moon baking - minimal -- 6-10
I am playing Pokemon Go at the Grand Lisboa in Macao
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15/05/26
i usually don't tell my secrets but ill trade one of mine for one of yours
if I had a coffee shop, I'd only offer sizes small and large
otter in the singapor river
grab driver is making weird noises but the way he stirs the wheel is soo cool he looks like the singaporean mads mikkelsen
dead monkey on the road (unrelated to previous note)
regional center of lifelong learning
i feel like i didn't give saigon the attention it deserved but i also feel like im not meant to exist at 37 degrees
coach 6 seat 26, 30 hours
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04/05/26
bye bye australia
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01/05/26
notes from new zealand
I have never seen water this clear
Paris is burning
some of them; they don't have two of nothing
now it's not about what you create but what you can acquire
whistely winds, misty mountains, tasteful tourism
milford sounds milford haven
coach 301 parking 27
excuse me my dear
eight postcards from utopia
i hate that we now rate everything - we are pure judgement for no reason and think its a good thing
twizel town centre
so this is where the demons hang
pretty friendly kind of guy
tojo school
lake side graveyard, anzac day. asked me to take a picture of him in front of the gate, holding up his grandpas medal. Somehow connected through history. He kept on saying that he was getting quite emotional and I kept on looking for the tears. With all the black swans in the lake, i'm thinking that it almost feels like they soaked up all the ashes from the volcanos around here.
By talking about our past, we create a better future
Tiaki promise
Moral education
on
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10/04/26
I am having a call with ILM in a few hours. Just a few weeks ago this would've been a dream come true but now, surrounded by Queenstown's serene nature, I am worried it'll disturb my peace. I am feeling so conflicted about it. When I first started this journey, working for one of the top studios was a key milestone. Now it seems like my priorities have shifted. My last freelance jobs have continuously made me become disillusioned with the industry and modern work itself and I am not sure if there is a way back. Still, part of me is wondering.. if ILM is calling, will I be able to say no?
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06/03/26
there is a huge spider in my house
huge
i've never seen anything like it
this might be it
i'm sorry to hear you have died
can i still see your ghost tonight?
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22/02/26
I love my cursed freedom
Freedom has always come first.
I know how cruel it can be,
and still,
I choose it.
I love my cursed freedom
without it,
I disappear.
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31
15/02/26
My sleep schedule is really rough these days but in a way it's working out quite nicely for me. I go to sleep around 2AM so that no one in the room wakes me up when they come in.
Will be really hard to adjust to my work schedule (will do a project with FA!) but for now it's serving me well. Last night, N and I sneaked into the cinema. It really is way too easy. We didn't know which movie played in which cinema so we sat down in the first room that matched the seating layout on the website. Originally, we wanted to see Hamnet but ended up in 28 years later, which was honestly great. Performance was incredible, especially the devil sequence towards the end.
A character from a book.
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02/02/26
First day in Sydney, first day back in a hostel. It's nice how easy it is to connect to people but when did my standards get so high?
First day here and I saw a spider fight a cockroach.
First day here and what am I doing here?
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31/12/25
It's the last day of the year. Barely slept at all last night. When I finally found my way into my dreams, they were very turbulent and dark. Really came to some realizations last night I believe. At some point I gave up on the idea of sleep and went out while it was still dark. It was very eerie outside and I had to think about what my cousin said about this trip, the thoughts that kept me up all night and what it means to be a good person. I am feeling quite confused. Is my moral compass still intact? For the entirety of this trip I haven't used my phone but I will make an exception to call my mom today. Not at midnight but sometime during the day.
21
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28/12/25
I am sitting on the balcony of the woodhouse, overlooking the Alm and the snowy landscape surrounding it. It's super sunny and it's melting all around us. I am saying us cause D just joined me, reading his newspaper. It really suits him, legs crossed, coffee steaming, going through the pages. You can hear a steady flow of water and droplets and I even heard some stones rolling down the hill earlier. It's nice to pay attention to this. When I realized the snow might not stay this morning, I went for a little walk down the valley. I was feeling isolated and lonely last night, even though A's friends were all around me. Really frustrating. The fog from the valley has caught up to me and the mood has completely changed. The sun is struggling to get through to us but I can feel it still.
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21/02/2025
Rewatched the Matrix last night and was moved in a strange way, It all seems awfully accurate to me. Maybe creative visions are gods final attempt to send a message but we have grown so detached that we fail to see it. Fail to take it seriously. Action sequences were really good but kind of pointless, pretty sure part 2 is going to suck. Oh well.
There is freedom in the thought of none of this being real. I think I will lean into it a little.
none of this is real. none of this is real. non of this is real.
Nachtrag 01/04/26: It's more accurate than ever
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10/01/2025
It's 6 days before my birthday and I am about to enter the plane to Paris, from where I will fly overnight to Hong Kong. I just read this and really liked it;
"Wanting positive experience is a negative experience; accepting negative experience is a positive experience. The more you pursue feeling better (all the time) the less satisfied you become; as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you want to be loved the lonelier you become, regardless of those surrounding you."
Watched two sunsets in what felt like a day. Overlooking Paris at night, flying past the Eiffeltower. I do feel blessed.
"W
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27/12/24
I have an idea of how I want to spend this upcoming year. There is a lot of dust in the air right now and I wonder what I'll see once it all has settled. I want to go on long walks listening to classical music. Read and write a lot. Live an eccentric life. Really get in touch with who I am. Reduce the noise. I won't be able to fully get rid of it. Most can't. Reducing is fine.
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12/11/24
Irgendwie bleibt nur noch kaum was haften. Neue Erinnerungen sind blass und es fällt mir schwer ihnen irgendeine Bedeutung zuzuschreiben. Vielleicht ist es normal dass es sich so anfühlt. vielleicht schleift jeder Eindruck einen ein wenig ab, bis man am ende glatt und poliert ist.
Es fühlt sich komisch an wieder in der gegend zu sein, in der ich großgeworden bin. es hat sich kaum was verändert. Jeden morgen sehe ich Leute aus der Vergangenheit - Mitschüler, Lehrer, Freunde, Bekannte. Ich frage mich immer, ob sie mit dem ganzen hier zufrieden sind, sie fragen tue ich nicht. Stattdessen betrachte ich sie mit unwissendem Mitleid. Bin ich nicht einer von ihnen?
ich wünschte das Leben hier wäre mir genug.
seitdem ich wieder hier bin fällt mir moderne kommunikation umso schwerer. Ich will dir schreiben, wissen wie es dir geht, fragen was in deinem leben gerade passiert. aber ich weiß mir nicht zu helfen. die vorstellung, über ein paar tage vereinzelte nachrichten auszutauschen fühlt sich so falsch an. ich brauche etwas mit mehr Gewicht. wirklich aufgeschriebene worte wiegen schwerer
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30/08/24
We were both super conscious of ourselves and one another and I was afraid of him killing me.
He said he saw the devil in me and at that moment, so did I.
We
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30/08/24
I crossed a mountain yesterday, it was really hard. If there was a chance to quit, I might have quit.
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01/06/24
nothing happens next, this is it
avocado maki
v2 gyoza shaolin kick
v3 kimchi
v5 summer rolls v7
v9
reis
v17
smooth brain no thoughts
0 stars in happiness
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17/01/24
i fell asleep in a cinema for the first time. jet lag and the rumble of the subway underneath eased me into it.
harbours always seems so nostalgic. they probably look the same way they looked 40 years ago.
i saw the starry night painting and frida kahlo at the moma today
had an all american breakfast at a diner earlier
last night it snowed.
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16/01/24
frozen grapes
egg ciabatta
bauernfrühstück
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01/12/23
in meinem körper schneit es ewig
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30/08/24
its so loud here i dont feel like screaming at you
then we text?
my friend told me that the most expensive things in this restaurant are the lights
doesnt seem very expensive
and this is like school days, exchanging texts in class
yea kind of nice no? secret messages..
what kind of messages did you exchange in school?
small talks and plans for lunch
lets pretend im deaf and u do all the talking for me
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23/10/23
Barcelona postcard
mein leben fühlt sich gerade wie ein traum an. wahrscheinlich nicht so wie du es dir gerade vorstellst. Ganz anders. Ich fühle mich als würde ich schlafwandeln. Es passiert so viel mit mir und um mich herum aber ich fühle mich nicht als Teil des Ganzen. Es ist so als wäre ich nicht da, oder vielleicht als wäre der Teil der dir gerade schreibt nicht da. Ich, dieser Teil, schau mir selbst beim Leben zu.
meine jacke, mütze und ausweis wurden gestohlen. Die von meiner mutter geerbte angst macht sich bezahlt. Der reisepass, den ich nur so zur sicherheit mitgenommen habe spart mir den weg zum konsulat. Es ist gerade 5:44 und ich fliege nach 2 nächten ohne schlaf wieder nach deutschland. wenn alles gut läuft, dann bin ich pünktlich um 9:30 bei der arbeit. Ist das das leben? sie hat mich gefragt ob ich einen späteren flug nehmen könnte. ob ich nicht doch noch einen weiteren tag bleiben könne. Vielleicht hätte ich ja sagen sollen.
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03/10/23
i am standing on the 12th floor of my buildings fire escape. each time im looking up the day has crept in a little more.
it has been a long night.
the crows have just woken up
they are surfing the currents of the wind
i see my life in this. never a moment when all of them sit still at the same time. moments where it seems like everyone is close. movement.
i wish i could share this with you, i wish you were here.
they say that butterflies that survive the winter come back yellow the next year. have you ever heard of this?
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the c
11/06/23
shared subway short story (SSSS) #2
Jedes Mal wenn sie ihr Lieblings tshirt trug passierte etwas ganz besonderes:
es regnete. aber da sie nie aus dem haus ging wurde sie nie nass. „Wie kann ich dieses tshirt mein lieblingstshirt nennen, wenn ich es noch nie nass gesehen habe“ fragte sie sich laut und schüttete Ihr Glas Wasser in den Kragen. jetzt konnte sie eigentlich auch direkt raus auf die straße, in den Regen, war’s doch jetzt eh schon egal. doch wie sie da stand und hoffte dass es sich sommerregen wie in den filmen anfühlen würde die sie gesehen hatte, da spürte sie, wie sich ein bild vor ihrem geistigen auge materialisierte. Ein altes Haus, Garten, ein Hund der gerade durch den strömenden Regen auf sie zugelaufen kam. Warum kam ihr das alles so bekannt vor?? sie wusste sogar den namen des hundes, die namen all derer, deren anblick sie schemenhaft durch das küchenfenster sehen konnte.
jemand streifte sie im vorbeigehen, das Bild verschwand und sie überkam der wunsch sich über den lautsprecher einer ubahn auszusprechen. 5 Minuten und ein intensives Gespräch mit der Lockführerin später ertönte ihre stimme in jedem Wagon der Bahn:
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13/04/23
these asian cities feel more organic. a mixture of old and new with few regulations. An old building is in the way so instead of tearing it down we just build on top of it - around it - through it! It feels alive because it is. I like Osaka, my favorite so far.
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18/03/23
shared subway short story (SSSS) #1
after the zombie apocalypse started, the first thing i did was get high on the s bahn and go where ever it took me. the first stop seemed to be a zoo, animals everywhere. the animals where also zombies, lions look different when they’re dead. weirdly enough it felt like i was not alone in the zoo. Between the animal gazes I felt the eyes of another person on me, though it seemed like there was no one around. as i was walking more towards the monkey cages. i realized someone had let all the monkey cages open and they were empty. suddenly i felt a warm breath in my neck. I turned around and saw the biggest chimpanzee in my life (so far), he looked oddly familiar. “James?” I said. but before i could turn around, a hole under me opened an i fell directly down to a pitch black area, it smelt weirdly like gucci, no, channel nr.5??? Good thing I had these matches in my pocket.
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30/03/23
Didn't I promise myself to never forget any visa stuff ever again after what happened in Iceland?? I hope not. I'll promise it this time. Not in Seoul, stuck in Istanbul. 600 Euros? Ich frage mich echt wie das Alles hier ausgeht. Hoffentlich gut. Life is what you make it. Tomorrow same time. 2AM. Flight took off an hour ago while I'm waiting for the shuttle bus. 600 Euros! Kind of worth.
- check in tokyo [ ]
- covid test [x]
- refund turkish airlines [ ]
- tassilo email [x]
I don't really like the vibe here, the hustle. The acting nice to get an advantage. Not everything needs to be a discussion. At 10PM I'll be leaving to Korea. Curious whats that going to be like. What is going on? How can I forget everything?? If the stuff with the JR pass won't work out im screwed. I can only hope that there is some kind of express shipping my mom could do. Yea maybe thats the way to go. When did things become so complicated?? When did I become so careless?
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21/11/22
We had our first snow this winter and I still wake up thinking about ________. I am beginning to realize that I am closer to leaving Berlin than arriving. Should I extend my stay here? Or go to Hamburg? Or somewhere else entirely>? Whatever. No reason to worry about this for now. Everything has been super complicated.
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03/10/22
I would like to work in a bookshop for a while
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15/09/22
I couldnt really give f the answers he was looking for because the questions he asked are the questions he asks are the same I am asking myself
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31/01/22
strange, but at this Moment I can think of nothing to say, perhaps silence is better.
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22/06/20
Once again I am closer to leaving than staying. Although I am very much looking forward to a change, I am sure that I will miss what I am having right now.